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As long as there has been something to write on, humans have been keeping journals. You could even say that the earliest cave drawings were journals — capturing the events of a hunt, drawing pictographs that related stories, creating images of the sacred.

A journal is a place for recording a life, safekeeping memories, dwelling within and working through. Journal writing is a way to know and express ourselves. It’s a safe haven, a best friend and a trusted confidante. Within the pages of your journal you can try out ideas, explore your feelings, rant and rave, vent emotions and tell secrets.

Since there’s no right or wrong way to keep a journal, anyone can do it. You don’t need expensive equipment or a lot of time. The tools are a notebook or blank book and a pen. You can use a computer, but writing by hand is more physical; it keeps you in touch with your breath and your heartbeat. And, writing by hand, you can write anywhere, anytime.

You don’t have to write every day, but the more frequently you write, the easier it will become and more productive you’ll be. If you can set aside twenty minutes or a half-hour every morning or evening, or during lunch break, and simply begin writing, you’ll be amazed at what you’ll discover.

You don’t need a lot of instruction to begin keeping a journal; there’s really no wrong way to do it. Here are some ways to begin:

● start with “Today I ...” and write the first image or words that appear. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation or grammar. In fact, don’t worry about anything, just write.

● start with “I feel ...” or “I want .. “ or “I think...”

● start with “I remember ...”

● describe what you see out your window, or the weather, or where you are:

“It’s 7:30 in the morning and I’m sitting at my kitchen table ...”

In journal writing, it’s important to keep the pen moving and not stop to think or edit or rewrite. Just keep writing the next words or images that want to be written. When you come to a natural stopping place, go back and reread what you’ve written, then write more if you have additional thoughts.

Journal writing techniques focus on going within, writing feelings, reflections, thoughts and opinions, and provide a forum for processing emotions that arise from introspection. Certain methods offer opportunities for specific kinds of self-exploration; others help in working through issues and in grieving and healing. For example:

● Letters. Write a letter to anyone in your journal: partners and family members, parents and grandparents (even if they’re no longer living), pets, strangers, bosses, co-workers. A letter provides a way to say what you want to someone even if you can’t say it in person. Simply begin with “Dear ______” and fill in the person’s name. You can even write letters to inanimate things — businesses, corporations, organizations, countries. Or to yourself.

● Dialogues. In your journal you can carry on dialogues with people, events, places, situations, even an aspect of yourself or with your body. You may be amazed at the give and take of dialogue that can be created when you simply trust the process and write down what ever comes to you.

Before you begin a dialogue, pause for a moment, close your eyes and bring an image of your dialogue partner to your mind. Then, when you’re ready, begin by writing your name or initials and write a statement of your intention and an invitation.  It might look like this:

PT: Grandmother, there are some things I’ve been wondering about, will you dialogue with me?

On the next line write grandmother’s name or initials and wait for her response. Don’t force what you want to hear, just wait and write what comes to you intuitively. You may not always get a response, and you may hear comments that will surprise you. Sometimes the responses may not be what you want to hear. Also, it’s not unusual for a third party to spontaneously enter into the dialogue.

A number of very good books about journal writing have been published, among them:

● The New Diary ,Tristine Rainer, Jeremy P. Tarcher, Los Angeles, 1978

● Life’s Companion, Christina Baldwin, Bantam Books, New York, 1990

● Journal to the Self, Kathleen Adams, Warner Books, New York, 1990

● Writing and Being, G. Lynn Nelson, Lura Media, San Diego, 1994

● At A Journal Workshop, Ira Progoff, Tarcher/Putnam, New York, 1994

If you’re raising a teenager, no doubt your mantra is “What were you thinking?” Teens aren’t known for making the best decisions. Or planning ahead. Or considering consequences. The list of patience-trying teen behaviors goes on and on. . . . Here’s the good news. They’ll get over it. Here’s the startling news. When they say, “But, Mom, it isn’t my fault!” they may be partially right.

It’s their brains.

In terms of human development, the brain undergoes two periods of enormous growth: from birth to about age four, and then again from about ages 10 to 14. Dr. Jay Giedd, of the National Institute of Mental Health, says of the adolescent and teen years, “In many ways, it’s the most tumultuous time of brain development since coming out of the womb.”

Whereas an infant’s and toddler’s brain is literally growing, a teenager’s brain is remodeling itself, mostly by making and pruning connections. Instead of having a screw loose, as the old saying goes about someone who makes lousy decisions, teens—metaphorically speaking—have wires loose.

Up to this point, adolescents and teens have mostly been acting from their emotions (think limbic system) and pleasure-and-reward systems (think amygdala), which explains a lot about their behavior. Now, as they approach and go through puberty, they are preparing to become adults, and their brains know it. It’s time for the brain to rewire itself, adding millions of new connections between those emotional-impulsive behavioral centers and the frontal lobes, especially the prefrontal cortex.

This is the “executive” center of the brain, the area that is active when we rationally assess situations, consider the consequences of our and others’ actions, set priorities—generally all those things we expect our teens to know how to do but that their brains are not yet fully wired to do. The prefrontal cortex is the last area of the brain to be developed, and the rewiring will go on well into their 20s.

At the same time that all these new connections are forming, your teen’s brain is strengthening already existing connections and pruning less used ones. Whatever your teen is focusing on—sports, study, friendships or, conversely, zoning out in front of the TV or endlessly playing video games—gets reinforced by the brain. Those connective pathways that are not continually activated get pared away.

What’s crucial about this rewiring is that it influences the skills teens take with them into adulthood. To some extent the old adage “use it or lose it” holds true.

To be fair, this spurt of brain remodeling is not an excuse for a teen’s sometimes exasperating behavior. But it does provide parents insight into why teens think something is a great idea when you don’t, why they can’t seem to plan or organize when you think doing so is a no-brainer, why they act without considering consequences that you think are incredibly obvious. Simply put, at this point in their development, teen brains have problems separating what’s important from what’s not so important.

So how can you use this knowledge to your advantage?

Experts suggest strategies that include being clear in your instructions and guiding your teen with advice, but doing so with a soft touch. Your teen needs to “practice” being an adult without being punished for not yet being one. Cultivate the patience to allow them to make mistakes with their growing independence. They are learning to curb their impulses and mediate their emotions. They are learning reasoning, logic and analysis. Whether they show it or not, they will look to the adults in their lives—meaning you—as examples.

This is a trying time for many parents, for while teens might seem to be pushing you away as they “practice” being independent, they also will be secretly watching and learning from you since you are the most important adult in their life.

Ancient Romans named the month of January for Janus, their god of gates, doors and beginnings. Always pictured with two faces—one looking toward the future, the other back at the past—Janus is a fitting symbol for the turning of a new year.

As we step through the doorway from one year to the next, it’s natural to do as Janus does: look back and ahead. But this year, instead of just reflecting on the past year or making New Year’s resolutions, consider using this first part of the year to take stock of your life.

Who are you? What do you believe? What do you really need?

When we discover who we really are, we stop living on auto-pilot and start to live with intention, focus and purpose. Our choices become clearer. We begin to make active choices in our life, instead of making excuses or passively living with the status quo.

Here are a few questions to get you started. Have a journal or some way to record your thoughts. (Writing by hand keeps you in touch with your breath and your heart.)

● What is aching to be expressed?

● What needs healing

● What unique gifts, talents and skills do you bring to the world? How are you using them (or not)?

● Who do you need to forgive? How about yourself?

● What beliefs are holding you back or getting in your way?

● What can you let go of in your life?

● What makes you happy?

Don’t forget to consider the vital information that other “parts” of yourself are giving you. When you use only your head, your experience of yourself and the world is more limited.

● What is your body telling you? When someone yells at you, does your stomach tie up in knots? Do your shoulders stiffen when you’ve been too focused on fulfilling others’ needs and ignoring your own? Notice the messages your body is giving you.

● Check in with your heart. The heart is the home of what is most alive in us. What does your heart have to say about your job? About how you spend your days? Does it need more play time? What, according to your heart, really matters?

● Listen to your intuition, your “gut.” Your intuition speaks volumes, but often gets ignored. What is this voice saying now?

Don’t forget to notice what you already have that is working. Acknowledge and give thanks for the gifts and the beauty and the miracles that are in your life right now. Write them down.

Tell the truth. Now is the time to start being honest about who you really are. Encouraging those unlived parts of ourselves to emerge can provide an exhilarating sense of discovery and optimism for the New Year and beyond.

 

 

We all wish to live the life we really want. If that's the case, why does it seem that so few of us actually do?

Creating the life we want should be easy, but for many reasons it isn't. Sometimes we're too busy working, paying bills or picking up kids to give it much thought. Sometimes we don't know how to get clarity so we put it off until "later." Or, perhaps, we have ignored what we really wanted and, instead, created a life that others wanted for us (or themselves) -- ouch.

How to Create the Life You Want

If you aren't living the life you want, how do you get back on track? How do you get clear on what you want? And how do you stay committed to it?

Here are some steps that can help you get started:

Clarity
Before getting what we want we must first know what that is. This may seem obvious but it trips up even the most intelligent people right out of the gate. Take out a blank sheet of paper and write "My Dream Life" at the top. List everything you want to have, do, be and share. From this list generate goals to help set you back on course.

Avoid the "Shiny New Object Syndrome"
It's easy to lose momentum by getting distracted with new, exciting opportunities. Having clarity makes it easier to distinguish those opportunities that help move us forward from the ones that throw us off track.

The next time a new opportunity arises ask yourself, "How will this help me achieve my ultimate goal of "x"? If it doesn't, you probably want to dismiss the opportunity and move on.

Redefine Failure
People who focus on the destination as opposed to the journey also tend to be more critical of their failures. When you enjoy the process along the way, it's easier to appreciate the end result -- whether you consider it a "success" or "failure."

The next time you do experience failure, however, reframe it. Consider that you have just learned how not to do something, and then acknowledge yourself for what you've learned.

Give in to Your Primal Instincts
Craving new challenges is hard-wired into our DNA. If it weren't, we never would have left the cave, invented the wheel or flown to outer space. Ignoring this primal code over the long term can lead to disappointment. So how do you happily succumb to this urge? With more clarity and structure.

Create a list of things you haven't done yet, but want to do. Be specific and remember the three, guaranteed "no fail" rules when it comes to goal setting:

1.Write it down. 2. Write it down. 3. Write it down.

Putting your list in writing transforms it from a desire into a personal contract with yourself.

Go Guilt-Free
Taking time to care for ourselves, guilt-free, is difficult for many people. Sometimes it feels as though things will fall off the rails if we "let go." But when we do let go, something amazing happens: the earth still spins -- people find a way to manage without us. Taking time off leaves us feeling refreshed and makes us better workers, parents, spouses and citizens.

Plus, going guilt-free can be contagious.

As with anything worthwhile, there is no quick fix when it comes to designing and building the life you want. However, these steps can help guide you along your path to living the life you want...and loving the life you live.

 

 

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